Better Decision Making. Do I Deserve Better?

Well, we've looked at the head question and the first two parts of the heart question.  The thing that quite often holds us back is the last part of this heart question: Do I deserve better?  A lot of us seem to hold on to a hidden belief that we do not really deserve any better. Have you ever looked back and realized that you sabotaged something and you can't figure out why?

"Who do you think you are?"  How many of us heard that when we were growing up?  But that misses the point.  It is not that we deserve any better than anyone else - we all deserve better than what we are doing to ourselves - what we are getting right now, don't we?  We think we do.  But what do our actions show?  There is a continuum of thinking -- knowing -- believing.   It is very easy to say "I deserve better."  That is a head statement, a thinking statement.  Then we come to a point where we know on a deeper level that we really do deserve better, but we doubt we can have it.  Lastly comes a true belief that you really DO deserve better, and here we are willing to take actions toward that because we believe we can actually have it.

If you want to find out what you really believe, look at what you do.  Especially what you do over and over again.  I am sure we have all made decisions when we knew that we should get more information, but we didn't.  Why would we purposely do something that we knew would get less-than-desirable results?  Because deep down in our hearts we don't really believe we deserve that success.  We keep ourselves in our comfort zone.

So, if we realize we don't believe we really deserve better, what do we do?  Ask, "What would I do if I did deserve better?"  Then do it!   We don't need to wait until we believe it.  We just need to take action based on that better decision.  When our actions are better, things get better.  The belief will come.  

Now, a quick recap.  Ask the head question: "Am I meeting the real need, informing myself of options, and thinking it through?"  Then make the conditional decision.  Next, check in with your heart by asking: "Does my decision show I am honest with myself, trust my intuition, and deserve better?"  When we have asked the heart question, quite often we will realize that we have not been honest with ourselves or do not trust our intuition/heart.  Then we need to go back and re-make that head part of our decision.  This will lead us to a much better decision.

Our ability to make good decisions in all areas of our lives is critical to our success in business and in family life.  Make a small map of this decision making process and carry it with you or tack it on the wall by the computer/desk.  The results will amaze you!

Debby Riddick

http://DRiddick.bigmlmtruths.com

Decision Making - The Other Half

This is Part 3 of Decision Making, based upon Spencer Johnson’s book, "Yes" or "No." We have already looked at the “logical” side of decision-making. We have asked ourselves "Am I meeting the Real Need, Informing Myself of Options, and Thinking It Through?" We can review our past decisions to see how we went about making those decisions and what the results were, good and bad. The point is to learn from the past without beating ourselves up about how those decisions turned out. We did the best we could do at the time.

Now, let’s move on to the other side of the process of decision-making. We will make even better decisions when we learn to look into our heart for confirmation after we have asked the head questions. Most people make their decisions emotionally and then look for logical reasons to justify the decision they already made. It works better when we involve the feelings and the head simultaneously.  The second set of questions is: “Does My Decision Show I Am Honest with Myself, Trust My Intuition, and Deserve Better?”  

We need to make decisions in integrity, that is, telling ourselves the truth. The consequences, down the road,  of a decision which is based in illusion will generally be much harder to deal with than dealing with the illusion now. We need to ask ourselves what are our beliefs about (1) our integrity, (2) our intuition, and (3) our insight into our own worth.  The more aware we are of our own character, the more often we make better decisions. We will only use those portions of our character we think have real value for us in making our decisions, so our decisions depend on how we view our character and they also reveal our character.

One way of finding the truth is by identifying the illusion, or fiction, we would rather believe and then looking for it’s opposite. If we can’t see the illusion our friends and family can help us see it if we can get our ego out of the way. Our challenge is to discover the truth; once we see the truth the decision is obvious.  

How do we learn to trust our intuition? Our intuition is our unconscious knowledge based on our personal experience and our “gut” reactions to events in the moment. Again, look back at decisions we made in the past and see how we felt at the time we were making them. Did we force the issue? Did we feel anxious or enthusiastic? Did it feel clear or confused? Did we feel stressed or peaceful? How did those decisions work out?  

Most of the negative fear responses freeze us. We then force a decision that we are not happy with because we are afraid.  We need to ask “What would I do if I were not afraid?”  Feeling the fear is okay, but we need to learn to acknowledge it, see where it comes from and then move ahead with the decision that is not fear based.  Decisions made with enthusiasm tend to have a better outcome that those made in fear. If the decision doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Our intuition is working; we just need to pay better attention to it.

Next week we will cover the last part of this question: Does my decision show I deserve better? Now there’s a can of worms.

Debby Riddick

http://DRiddick.bigmlmtruths.com